#33 Onions, Grilled Onions, Jalapeno Peppers: A Cheeseburger Review

Holy onions, Batman! Does Five Guys make a good carbo-loading meal? IN any case it seemed to work the night before a long ride.

What would you like from Five Guys, Lucy?

Umm, a cheeseburger with pickles and chicken.

They don't have chicken.

I mean...I don't know what it's called. The brown stuff.

Puzzled: Bar-B-Que sauce?...Oh wait, you mean the meat. That's called beef. OK, we'll make sure they put a patty on your burger.

Two and a half out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#32 Relish, Tomato, Mustard: A Cheeseburger Review

Is this going to be my top rated relish burger to date? It is! A surprisingly good combination, and once again, one that I wouldn't have put together on my own. See! This system is not well approximated linearly.

Three and a half guys out of five guys.



(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#31 Mayo, Pickle, Ketchup: A Cheeseburger Review

OK, honestly the main reason I am rating this one so high is probably that I ate it after riding 50 miles on my bike. Still, these are good ingredients that go together pretty well.

Four guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#30 Green Peppers, A-1, Hot Sauce: A Cheeseburger Review

A three, but let's call it a low three. Not as exciting as it should be.

Three guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#29 Mushroom, Ketchup, Jalapeno Peppers: A Cheeseburger Review

Less heat more...je ne sais quoi and you would have something here.

Two and a half out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#28 Lettuce, Pickle, Grilled Onion: A Cheeseburger Review

Definitely lacking something.

Two guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#27 Hot Sauce, Mayo, Onion: A Cheeseburger Review

Not a bad combination!

Three guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#26 Jalapeno Peppers, Green Peppers, Bar-B-Que Sauce: A Cheeseburger Review

A strong start, but the heat over-powered all else about midway through and it didn't have the diversity of flavor to hold interest through the end.

Three guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#25 Grilled Onions, Grilled Mushrooms, Mustard: A Cheeseburger Review

A very well executed burger. Mustard is not the sauce to go with the onion and lettuce, but other than that it was great. My entire family seemed to be in the mood for Five Guys tonight. We polished off everything and went back for more peanuts.

Three and a half guys out of five guys.



(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#24 Onions, Lettuce, Tomatoes: A Cheeseburger Review

This burger was well done. Classic tastes and the ample veggies offset the meat nicely.

Four guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#23 Bar-B-Que Sauce, Hot Sauce, Relish: A Cheese Burger Review

Meh.

Two and a half out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#22 Mustard, Jalapeno Peppers, A-1 Sauce: A Cheeseburger Review

For a jalapeno burger, I enjoyed this one more than most.

Two and a half out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#21 Tomatoes, Grilled Onions, Ketchup: A Cheeseburger Review

A little behind on posting, so just playing ketchup ;).

Three guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#20 Relish, Onions, Pickles: A Cheeseburger Review

The first few bites of this burger were fantastic! The onions, pickles and relish complement the taste of the beef well without masking it. It is difficult for a burger with relish to have real staying power to the last bite for me though. So while I was considering giving it four guys till about halfway through I've settled on:

Three and a half guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#19 A-1 Sauce, Bar-B-Q Sauce, Mayo: A Cheeseburger Review

This is my lowest rated all-sauce burger so far (in fact my lowest rated burger so far period). It just wasn't well executed. The mid portions of the burger had very little A-1 or Bar-B-Q. Even if it had been well executed it doesn't hold much promise.

One guy out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#18 Ketchup, Mustard, Green Peppers: A Cheeseburger Review

Nothing to complain about here, but not a ton to get excited about either.

Three guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#17 Pickles, Tomatoes, Grilled Mushrooms: a Cheeseburger Review

It was a beautiful afternoon. I knew my wife wasn't feeling well and my son had to be at soccer by 6:00. What to do for dinner? Take-out from Five Guys and enjoy a picnic on the soccer field! It turned out to be one of my best ideas ever. The burger itself was probably only three and a half guys, but I'm giving it an extra half guy for the nice weather and the time spent in the fresh air with my family.

Four guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

P.S. In the interest of full disclosure I am NOT sponsored by Five Guys. If you are a Five Guys representative and would like to correct this, please contact me.

#16 Mayo, Relish, Lettuce: a Cheeseburger Review

We dug ourselves out of the snow by hand and went to Five Guys to celebrate (and to get the kids out of the house). The roads are insane. It felt like we were deep in the Alaskan wilderness driving on rutted permafrost.

The burger was surprisingly mediocre. If it had had a little less relish it may even have been great.

Two and a half out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#15 Green Peppers, A-1 Sauce, Bar-B-Q Sauce: a Cheeseburger Review

There's some tang to this one and I had high expectations for it which were not completely fulfilled. Not a disappointment, but not the best burger ever.

Three and a half out of five guys.


This concludes the first triangle-class worth of cheeseburgers. One little mole hill down. A whole mountain of cheeseburgers to go.

(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)

#14 Grilled Mushrooms, Ketchup, Mustard: A Cheeseburger Review

Oh, this one was nice. Who invented mustard? Turmeric and vinegar with ground mustard seed: genius! The mushrooms, which bring out the flavor of the meat nicely, were packed on. As I've said, I'm not a huge ketchup fan, but that bit of sugar with some extra umame made the flavors mingle nicely.

four guys out of five guys.


(See How to Eat an Equilateral Cheeseburger for an explanation of my research program.)