Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Erratum Re: Ring

This note is to correct some recently popularized misinterpretations of some events concerned with a certain Ring, commonly known as the One Ring of Power. This note, as far as I know, sets the main facts straight. First you should have some background on Sauron. Far from being as intimidating as he is made out to be, Sauron was actually the laughing stock among dark lords in his time. True, true, the One Ring has the power to enslave the world, but Sauron was something of a pack rat and could never keep his things organized. He was the type that, after a tremendous battle aimed at taking over the World he would leave the ruins of battle lying in the field claiming "some day I'll be able to use it for spare parts in my war machine" (you've heard of the Dead Marshes?: case in point.)

Now that you have some background the main fact that I would like to correct is this: the nonsense about Isildur cutting the Ring off of Sauron's hand is completely bogus, pure embellishment (and widely promoted by Isildur AND Sauron themselves at that).

In actuality Sauron lost the Ring when he decided to clean up his act...he was tired of being made fun of by the other demonic undeads. That's when he stopped in at the local branch of the Middle Earth Library and found two books that he checked out: How to Win Epic Battles and Control People, and Move Your Stuff, Ruin Everyone's Life: Feng Shui for Dark Lords. These two books inspired him to clean up his clutter. So, hoping to kill two birds with one stone by also raising some funds to support his Dark Army, he decided to have a yard sale.

As I've said Sauron was always terrible at keeping track of his things, so it's no surprise that his One Ring ended up in a box with other odd trinkets marked

Bargain Bin: 25 Cents Apiece

(in Sauron's ungainly scrawl).

Isildur was a frequenter of Middle Earth's yard sale scene, and could never pass up a bargain, so he bought the Ring for a quarter without ever knowing what he had got until after he had gotten rid of it (tossed it into a river or something). When Sauron realized that it was missing, he made up the whole story of having his hand cut off. When Isildur heard the story he bought into it also and so it has been perpetuated to this day.

No comments:


blogger templates | Make Money Online